At home, I’ve had phenomenal role models. My grandmothers were fiercely independent – homemakers and changemakers. They came to the UK in the 1970s with more children than they could house and feed. But succeed they did. And manage to set up side-hustle businesses on the side.
At work, I have worked in the company of several incredible female leaders. Women who have normalized smart working and shown that diverse qualities (and temperaments) can succeed in the boardroom.
Beyond Role Models: The Will to Succeed
But having role models is only one part of the path to #AccelerateAction. As Women’s History Month comes to an end, I’ve been having a think. Concluding that this debate really is a sum of its parts.
That role models, sure, are important and helpful. But the will to succeed, be noticed, be successful and make it all work requires deep intent. To others, it may seem like water off a duck’s back. But for the woman walking the floor or sitting around the table, everything is prescribed. And the work is never done.
Choreographing Success
I guess what I’m saying is, the hidden energy expense of choreography to mask a myriad of issues (some organic, some engineered) is very real. My own personal experiences have led me to believe this.
Being a woman is one thing, but what about the other intersectional hurdles to leap over? Not on one day of the week. Every day. In countless circumstances.
In my case, being of Indian descent, being physically petite and only 5ft tall, and being a working mum. All these things are pathways that must be traversed every day. Mental loads that crave your attention – and some semblance of action. I sometimes wonder how freeing it must be to not have to contend with some of this every day…
The Small Adjustments That Make a Big Difference
Now, this isn’t a cry for pity. Far from it.
Everyone carries around some sort of load. I want to share this thought to normalise discussion around this. And to help guide allyship for those that struggle to relate to something they can’t see or have never felt. What’s the old adage – walk in someone else’s shoes, even for a moment?
In the end, this all comes at a cost. And in my case, it’s energy expense. Some of the things I now do on autopilot to over-compensate for some of these dumbbells on my ankle include:
Always pumping up my office chair as soon as I sit down to gain a few inches around the table (5ft woman problems).
Talking about home / kids / work life as often as I can to build understanding about the delicate tightrope I walk. I try to ‘leave loudly’ to not attach shame at needing to keep another human being alive. My desk will survive after 6pm. My kids won’t. (working mum problems).
Marking cultural norms freely so work can feel like home. Belonging is very important. There have been made times I’ve laughed and nodded along at quintessential British references that mean zero to me. My parents weren’t born here. They didn’t operate in the same circles. (ethnic ‘minority’ problems). Gosh, I hate the word ‘minority’, but I’ll use it here for theatrics.
In my own head, I’ve gotten comfy with all of this. I affectionately call them my ‘compensation levers.’
And as I get older, I stop worrying about some of this as much. Or maybe that’s just because I’ve auto piloted the s*** out of these behaviors. Either way, acceptance paves the path for greater happiness, satisfaction, and conviction. I’m cool with that.
To allies out there. Men. And other women who may walk a slightly different path to me. Always be eyes wide open when you move around life. Don’t make fatal assumptions that things are ‘just’ as they are. Often, they are not. Be curious.
More about life is choreographed than we realize.
See it. Spot it. Speak about it.
